Zoe Tay to Advise PM on Swallowing
Posted on Sunday, September 03, 2006
Topic: Local News
by Cockle Doodledo
The Singapore Union of Cockle-Keeping Enthusiasts and Restaurant
Suppliers (SUCKERS) has engaged MediaCock celebrity, Zoe Tay, to
provide advice to the Prime Minister on swallowing.
Ms Tay was engaged following a recent ad campaign for a skincare
product which caused controversy because of its veiled hint at oral
sex the ad claimed that the secret to Zoes beautiful skin was
because she swallowed.
Meanwhile, the Prime Minister suffered a catastrophic public
relations disaster, when, during his 2006 National Day Rally
speech, his response to Mr. Browns bak chor mee prank was to say,
mee siam mai hum.
This puzzled many Singaporeans as the dish mee siam has never been
served with hum the Hokkien name for cockles.
The attempt at sounding colloquial had in fact backfired greatly on
PM Lee, reinforcing the view that he is out of touch with ordinary
Singaporeans, and giving Mr. Brown the ammunition to fire back with
a hilarious spoof.
But it wasnt just a PR disaster for him, said SUCKER president
Mr. Loh Hum Sup. It really backfired on the cockle industry. Hum
began to be the butt of jokes it became really uncool to eat it.
For years we had been planning to expand the use of hum with other
dishes beyond laksa and char kway teow yes, even mee siam but
the Prime Minister has set these efforts back by decades. Why lai
dat, PM Lee? What harm has the humble hum ever done to you?
Members of SUCKERS called an emergency meeting to decide how to
respond to the crisis. The vote was unanimous, said Mr. Loh. To
rehabilitate the industry and also the PMs image, we needed to get
him to eat mee siam WITH hum. But clearly, he has expressed a
distaste for it. So how? Who could we get to do it?
The answer was also unanimous Zoe Tay.
She swallows and looks good because of it, said Mr. Loh. So I
think she has a thing or two to teach the PM.
Ms Tay agreed immediately.
Pill lah, hum lah, anything also I not scared to swallow, said
the Queen of Caldecock, Anything is better than the dialogue
MediaCorp puts in my mouth.
While SUCKERS remains hopeful that PM Lee will accept Ms. Tays
tutorial, the Prime Ministers Orifice has denied all rumours that
the event will proceed, saying, We wish to state categorically
that the rumour about the Prime Minister learning how to swallow
from Zoe Tay is completely fallacious.
© http://www.TalkingCock.com 2001-2003. All rights reserved.
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Terrorists Plan to Ruin World Bank/IMF Meeting - Mee Siam WITH
Hum!
Posted on Sunday, September 03, 2006
Topic: Local News
by Phoenix Klaw and Kok Kok Kway
In a sensational press conference today, the Singapore Police
announced that they had foiled a large scale terrorist plan to ruin
the World Bank/IMF meeting and destroy Singapore PM Lees
reputation. The plan to contaminate all local Mee Siam with Hum
during the 10-day conference in Singapore!
Police Spokesman Kahnit Chilly revealed that Al Eetya, a Southeast
Asian breakaway sect from Al Qaeda, had elaborate plans to use
local distributors and gangs to add hum to all mee siam served
during the conference. A centerpiece of the plan focuses on the
banquet hosted by PM Lee on the opening day of the conference,
where delegates were to be served a sampling of local food, such as
laksa and mee siam.
The intention of this terrorist act is to destroy confidence in PM
Lee, who had ordered during the National Day Rally speech that from
now on, no mee siam should be served with hum Mee Siam Mai Hum,
he said. A recovered email written by one of the terrorists said -
This will totally destroy any respect in our enemys ability to
lead Singapore. No investor or foreign talent will ever enter
Singapore again.
Revealing the sophistication of the operations, the terrorists had
apparently infiltrated, succeeding in planting moles in the
Protocol Department of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. The
Protocol Department is responsible for the food served to the world
leaders at PM Lees banquet. That even the MFA had been infiltrated
must send a clammy feeling down the spines of our counter-espionage
authorities.
The Singapore Police said that their discovery of the shocking plot
had been due to a tip-off by a shrimp importer. The shrimp importer
had been scared that if mee siam with hum were ever served, people
might prefer mee siam with hum, instead of mee siam with shrimp.
His business supplying shrimp to local mee siam hawkers might be
undermined.
© http://www.TalkingCock.com 2001-2003. All rights
reserved.
